Commitment On A Tab

The latest book I'm reading was written by Dale Carnegie decades ago. In my developments to become a successful business owner and leader, I'm constantly on Half.com, purchasing every recommended book under the sun to help me grow. I would say in all the years I've earned income, this is the first investment I don't question after I've submitted my credit card number.

It didnt take long for this book to challenge me. If you're like me, you're confident(YEA!), determined(RIGHT ON!) and willing to face any obstacle along the way when your mind is set to achieving something(DAMN SKIPPY!)... *cue me with a game face on and the words "BRING IT!!!" spewing from my lips*.... but this is the last thing I expected. The book, the author, leaders, successful and memorable figures in history all advised one thing first: I had to learn not to criticize.

I let out a mental gasp.
What? Say that again?

"Principle 1: Dont criticize, condemn, or complain."

Ah crap. Oh my.

I'm in the people business. I'm in financial services. I'm in a growth process. And this book is telling me that I can't criticize, condemn, or complain?? Not even behind closed doors??

Several key examples from Lincoln to Roosevelt to actual business owners and managers and their experiences expressed the importance of this principle. Impossible, I thought. If you've known me for a while, I'm pretty good at the exact opposite. I'd like to think that it's not exactly that I'm talkin shit, more like "speaking the truth" *ahem*... I've humored friends with my passion of story/complaint-telling, had countless experiences that NEEDED to be told. And now I have to be.... practically silent??

*Sigh* After finishing the chapter, I knew they were right. How was I to lead anybody with the way I dealt with major differences or views that I didnt agree with? There have been numerous occasions already where I could not believe the way others thought when it came to the subject of my business's mission and philosophy in the midst of the economic crisis. I've had arguments with people while defending it. Behind the scenes I felt helpless. I felt like I was given the news way before it was publicized and I was desparate to warn everyone that wasnt aware of it, but noone was listening. And it breaks my heart. But maybe I'll talk about that in another blog.

It made me think of The Blackhole and it only proved its point even further. If any of us make a mistake, big or small, most of us are likely to hear the backlash of it all for weeks. But with the customer service we provide, the people we calm down ourselves to save the GM from the confrontation, the things we do to make improvements in a system... will be noticed, but never recognized. And if by chance, our superiors take notice, it's usually a compliment tainted with some sort of remark that cancels out the compliment anyway. ("Oh a guest raved about so-and-so on this comment card.... he must've paid them to write that.")

"As the old couplet says: "Once I did bad and that I heard ever/Twice I did good, but that I heard never." -- Dale Carnegie

So to ensure my dedication that this was something I needed to work on, I contacted the close circle of friends I have these days and told them I needed their help. Simultaneously, and with my new fondness of texting (yes, hell froze over that day), they all responded: "Sure what's up?" And I proposed to them that in order for my business to be as successful as I want it to be in the near future, I had to work on my character. So for every complaint or word of criticism that they heard from me would cost me $1, payable on the spot or put on their own personal tab with me. No matter what, I asked that they keep track and accept the money without question. All of them agreed.

I worked with one of my close friends today. She was happy that she didn't make any money off of me the first day. I laughed modestly. I was amazed at it myself. I challenge anyone who reads this to try it. Go just one full day without complaining, condemning or criticizing anyone, stranger or not. And this counts even in your own thoughts, people! It sounds easy, but you'd be amazed at how quick it might slip out of your mouth without you even realizing it.

Side note: The title of the book is How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie and I highly recommend it to anyone interested in achieving success in any aspect of their lives.